Nipple tassels are great fun, no? I’ve never owned a pair myself since I’ve never done burlesque and they seemed frivolous, but I’d thought about them wistfully (usually while watching Elvira) So, when Lovehoney sent their Round Satin Nipple Tassels in Black my way for a review, I was thrilled.
When I opened the tassels, I was a little bit disappointed with the construction. They’re quite flimy, made of what I assume is cardboard covered with satin and cheap bric-a-brac. I reflected that a savvy enthusiast could make a pair quite simply themselves, but of course they’re so cheap on Lovehoney at £5.99 that it might not be worth the effort.
I couldn’t wait for an event to slap the tassel on so off came my shirt and bra and on went the tassels. To apply them, you peel off the papery backing and just stick them to the nipple, trying to fill it out as much as you can. There is an ugly seam on the pasties so point that downwards to cover it with the tassel (presumably it would show when you’re swirling the tassels around, but I don’t think anyone’s focusing on the seams at that point).
The first thing I noticed is that the circles are on the smaller side. They just barely covered my nipples and I think someone with larger areolas wouldn’t be able to use them. They’re also slightly conical, but the fact that my nipples are pierced means I can’t fill them out all the way. Maybe this is why they fell off repeatedly despite me not doing anything too athletic. I was sitting writing essays wearing them and when I stood up to go get tea one of them fell off. When I bent over to pick it up, the other one fell off. My dreams of enthusiastically shimmying and making the tassels swirl to burlesque showtunes were crushed.
If you’re interested, Lovehoney Round Satin Nipple Tassels are available on Lovehoney in red and black for six pounds each. Other reviewers have had better luck than me in getting them to stay on, so I’m willing to bet it would work for some of you all out there. If you’re worried, pick up a nice body-safe adhesive to help you out a bit.
Thank you again Lovehoney for sending me these to review!