Review: Doc Johnson Black Magic Ribbed Vibe

The only black magic this vibrator is pulling is known as the fine art of marketing. With nice packaging and a fun name, this Doc Johnson vibe looks like a nice toy to add to your collection. Trust me, though, it’s all smoke and mirrors.

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The good of this vibrator starts and ends with the basics. The vibrator is seven inches long and made of smooth-coated ABS plastic so it is body safe. The whole thing runs on a single Double-A battery and the speeds are controlled via a dial on the end where the batteries are inserted.

But here we run into our first trouble: the vibrations are very disappointing. They’re not just a little bit buzzy, there’s absolutely no internal rumble to them. If you’re new to vibrators, the Black Magic’s vibrations are like listening to music on $2 earbuds while a rumblier vibrator is like a proper sound system with a subwoofer. No comparison whatsoever. The vibrations are almost completely lost when I press the Black Magic vibe against my body and, inserted, it’s like a vague tickle.

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The vibrator shape isn’t especially pleasurable, either. My problems start with the handle which is an irritating shape because if you’re holding it by the end it’s extremely easy to change the vibration speed settings, especially if your hand is lube-y. My vagina just doesn’t appreciate the ribs like it does the texture of my Bound and the very slim vibrator can’t compete to the girth of my Vamp. The vibe has no curve to it which leaves my g-spot bored and unstimulated while the long length makes me feel like I’m jabbing myself and more than once I poked my cervix by accident. Clitorally, nope. Vaginally, nope.

Black Magic’s last hope was that the vibrator also boasts that its shape is perfect for anal stimulation. Now, I should mention that the Black Magic vibe doesn’t have a flared base which means it’s not technically anal safe. You need to be very careful when using a toy anally that doesn’t have a flared base lest it get sucked up your behind and necessitate a trip to the emergency room (a finger loop like most anal beads have will also work to make a toy more anal safe.)

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Still, I was determined to test this claim so I lubed up the Black Magic vibe and tried it anally. I inserted the Black Magic rib by rib without turning it on and I have to say, the shape of the vibrator is much more appealing for anal users. It’s almost like anal beads, although maybe it’s because I’m a butt-beginner but I couldn’t insert more than a few bulbs without the vibe poking my insides uncomfortably. I think the butt is friendlier to longer shapes if they’re a bit more flexible or slightly curved whereas the Black Magic has no give at all and will eventually start jabbing away. Turned on, the vibrations were dampened even more by my butt than by my vagina. If you want anal stimulation, just get anal beads or an anal-safe vibrator with a bit more heft behind it.

blk4And if it weren’t insulting enough for the vibrations to be weak and buzzy and easily dampened, the vibrator still manages to be loud despite that. It’s louder by far than my Romant Sonia, louder even than my first (much cheaper) vibrator. It’s a high-pitched buzzing noises that matches the vibrations and can be heard through a door.

Normally here I’d try to imagine who this vibrator could be pitched towards and give some links for where you can buy it. But this vibrator? I don’t think it suits anyone. Even people who like weaker vibrations deserve better than this loud surface level buzz and surely people who want an anal vibrator would want one they can actually feel. But if for some reason you want to try the Doc Johnson Black Magic vibe out for yourself, you can buy it from Adam & Eve here.

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About missmhithrha

Mary Mh'ithrha, a 20 year old Femdom enthusiast living in the US. I like slapping people around and sitting on their faces. Pleased to meet you.
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